Sometimes my mind likes to wander. In fact sometimes my mind likes to wander so far that I end up 15 years down the road viewing my life through a looking glass, much like Alice, peering in to what “could be” my life as the cards have been dealt. It’s so easy to look forward into our future and imagine the perfect life as we want it, but there are also many dangers of the looking glass.
It can set up all kinds of panic, fear, uncertainty and most of all unhappiness when we don’t have that future right NOW. As they saying goes the pursuit of all happiness is the source of unhappiness. For most or at least half of my life, I lived day in and day out through the looking glass, wandering, desiring and wanting things that were far from my reach and did not yet exist.
I wanted, I desired, I fantasized. I would spend hours upon hours day dreaming about the potential scenarios in which my life could play out- where I would live, my work, who I would marry, how many children, and the list went on and on. I severed my self from my reality in order to “create” a life that didn’t exist, and as so appeared perfect and much more desirable than the current real existing life I was living. I don’t think this is uncommon in the world in which we live in today. Most of us are always looking for the next big thing. That new pair of shoes, those sexy sports car, that house in the country.
What I came to realize through part of my healing journey with depression and living a life of unhappiness was that I had a choice. I had a choice whether or not I wanted to “live” in the future or live in the now, the present, the moment. I could choose to sit around day dream and feel sorry for myself, or I could just be. I could just be with what was, exactly as it stood. I could accept everything as it was right then and there. No country home, no wedding ring on hand, no Carrie Bradshaw closet full of designer shoes and Louis Vuitton bags and no glamorous picture of what my wonderful life might or could be like.
Now I’m not at all suggesting we should just accept certain circumstances that make us unhappy, like a job we absolutely loathe, an abusive relationship or poor health. These are things we can do something about when we are ready and have the tools and resources to back us up. What I am suggesting is that we do have the option of appreciating all the little and big things that we do have. By accepting what we have right now and appreciating what we do have in our lives, rather than what we don’t, it can truly open up more room and space for happiness and maybe even more importantly, gratitude.
Sometimes we get so caught up in wanting more and looking to the future to the “when I have…” then I will be happy that we create a revolving door or cycle of sheer unhappiness. Man oh man, did I ever have a nasty case of the “when I haves”. I’ve worked so hard in the last couple of years to wash this way of thinking from my noisy mind and working in, rather than working out. Trying to focus on what I do have and what’s inside, rather than looking out there for some one or some thing to fill my empty void.
Last week I had a relapse (as we all do from time to time) of shifting back into my old way of fearful futuristic thinking. Gabrielle Bernstein, motivational speaker and life coach calls this “future tripping”. The fear set in and out rolled my wandering mind looking full force into the future, day dreaming and fantasizing about what my life would be like when I had this, that and the other.
Even though I knew better and have all kinds of knowledge on how to shift my thoughts, I felt pretty powerless. After almost a week of this kind of toxic thinking and worrying I decided enough was enough. I was sick of listening to myself! Imagine all that mind chatter and craziness we listen to all day long, day in day out of our fearful mind! How exhausting!
I then realized there was nothing else I could do but accept it and ask for help to let it go. I prayed as if it was my full-time job, open like a 7-Eleven! All I could really do to let the crazy thinking go was hand it over to the universe to take it off my hands and ask for gratitude.
I woke up today with a crystal clear mind and the message once again, just to be grateful and give gratitude to all that I do have in my life. The message once again was to focus on here and now and nothing else. I have no way of knowing what the future holds and damn, that is some scary shit. But today, I am grateful for just being. I am thankful for my health, my family, my passion in nutrition, helping women back to wholeness and wish to extend gratitude and love to each and every one of you.
Thank-you from the bottom of heart. Thank-you for the inspiration, motivation and love you give me to continue to pursue my dream and my passion of teaching people how to eat to better health. Much love and peace to all my Nutrition Junkies out there! xoxo